Tag: metal

Don’t Wince at Quince, Pt. 2

WFMH

Listening to: Terminal- Bongripper

Last time we had a look at quinces, and made some jelly. Maybe you don’t have all the equipment, time, space, balls, or patience to deal with that. I get it. My feelings aren’t hurt. You can still enjoy this gnarly fruit ovary even if you’re a lazy butt. This is easy as shit to make: chop fruit, make syrup, boil. Read the recipe, though. 

Quince Pieces in Light Syrup- Yields 9 pint jars

  • 11 lbs quince, washed and de-fuzzed.
  • 2 cups sugar
    Special Equipment: Large pot, large stock pot or water bath canner.

0. Prepare the water bath canner or large stock pot with a rock on the bottom to prevent the jars from having direct contact with the heat source. Add enough water to cover the jars plus one inch. 
1. Prepare the light syrup in the large pot: add the sugar and 6 cups (1.5 qts for your math challenged ass) and bring to a boil. You could make medium or heavy syrup or even nice fancy organic fruit juice to pack the fruit in, but Dio’s unholy spirit (RIP) told me directly that quince is better in light syrup. 
2. Peel the quince. This is a bitch and a half because the fruit is so damn dry and stupid shaped, but hang in there. Slice those suckers in half and scoop out the core with a metal \m/ spoon. Cut that into slices however thick you want, I prefer them about 1/4 in. Keep these in a bowl of water with a bit of lemon juice to prevent them from browning while you finish your task.
3. Hot pack the quince: Drain the quince slices, and add them to the boiling light syrup, cook them for about 4-5 minutes. It’s handy to use a jar funnel to shove the slices in the jars when they’re done cooking, pack them tight. If you think you have too much for the nine jars, you’re probably not packing them tight enough. 
4. Ladle the hot syrup into each jar, leaving 1/2 in headroom. Use a small rubber spatula or butter knife down the sides of the jar to get air bubbles out. At this point you’ll find you can probably cram more fruit into the jars and add more syrup, minding the headroom.
5. Place the two piece lid on, and set those jars in the water bath. Boil for 20 minutes.  Alternatively you could pressure can these at 6 psi for 10 minutes. 
6. Remove from the canner and listen for the beautiful sound of the lids popping. The color might have changed during processing, I generally get pink hues. That’s perfectly fine and normal.

Adapted from a tested and USDA approved source .

You saw this last time, now you know what both are.

I hope you like sliced quinces in light syrup because you now have a metric dick ton of them. “BuT wHaT dO I dO wItH ThEm??”, you might ask yourself. You could arrange the pieces in a tart or pie, have some with roasted pork, top some ice cream, sacrifice some to your favorite fallen metal hero, or maybe you could fucking Google it.

Like I mentioned, I prefer light syrup to juice or heavier syrups, because I have more flexibility when I’ll eventually open up the jars. Some people pack their fruit in water, which is technically okay, but it steals the sweetness of the fruit and generally sucks to eat. If you’re concerned about calories, use the pickyourown.org link above to find out how to convert Stevia or other kinds of sweeteners for the syrup.

No more talking, Bongripper is on. Feel the devastation run through you and report back with how you did.

Don’t Wince at Quince

WFMH

Listening to: Ashes Against the Grain- Agalloch

Quinces are apples’ and pears’ hideous cousin. They’re the strange “old world” fruit that’s so awful raw you’ll spit it out no matter how metal you are. Cook them for even a few minutes and you’ll unlock their delicate flavor for use in savory or sweet dishes.

Quince Jelly- Yields eight 1/2 pint jelly jars

  • 7 lbs quince, stem and flower side discarded, chopped into small cubes. Do not peel or core, or Satan will not bless you with the glorious pectin locked within.
  • 1/2 cup lemon juice, store-bought to maintain known pH levels. Heresy, I know.
  • 6 cups sugar
    Special Equipment: Heavy bottomed stock pot, sieve or food mill, large stock pot with rack for water bath. Optional: Candy thermometer
  1.  Prepare water bath: Fill large stock pot with a rack placed on the bottom, fill with water until it covers the top of the jelly jars by at least 1 inch. The rack is to prevent the jars from having direct contact from the heat source to avoid cracking. Get that sucker to a rolling boil.
  2. Prepare quince juice: Fill the heavy bottomed stock pot  with quince, add 14 cups of water (that’s 3.5 qts for your math challenged ass). Bring to a boil and let that shit simmer for 25 minutes. Smash that through a fine mesh sieve or a food mill if you have one. Don’t have either one? Shit outta luck, you filthy casual. You should have about 7.5 cups of this liquid gold. Any more and you’ve got to sacrifice it to your favorite fallen metal hero. Clean out that stock pot, you’re about to use it again.
  3. Add 7.5 cups of the quince juice, lemon juice, and sugar and bring it to a boil. This needs to come up to 220ºF for it to set all the way. If you don’t have a candy thermometer keep a plate in the freezer before starting this recipe and once it’s boiling drop some of the jelly on the plate, if it wrinkles when you push your finger through it’s ready to go. You did read the recipe all the way through before starting, right?
  4. Remove jelly from heat. Skim foam into a side container for snacks. Pour into sterile jars while the jelly is piping hot, leaving 1/4 in headspace from th top of the jar. Wipe the top of the jars clean and place the two piece lid on, finger tight. Don’t force it. 
  5. Place in boiling water bath with rubber-ended tongs or a jar lifter if you’re bougie like that. Process with the lid on for 5 minutes, clear a space for them to come out  with a towel. Take the jars out, hear the beautiful noise of the popping lids one by one. This sound is as beautiful as Kirk Hammett’s sexual solos on Ride the Lightning, savor it. 

Adapted from a tested and USDA approved source. Canning is an exact science, unlike regular cooking and must be followed exactly. You could add dry spices in there if you wanted to, but the jelly really doesn’t need it. Don’t fuck with the ratios of anything else. Know the rules (and science) behind canning before you break them. 

Fuck, quince jelly is so fucking good. Kinda makes you wanna ride a nimbus cloud into the gates of Valhalla. Coming soon is a Pt. 2 to this post to make the slices in light syrup, pictured left above.

When I think of quinces, I think of my friend Mallory from the restaurant who would poach slices in champagne to serve with a bread pudding. I had only tasted quinces in membrillo form. These fugly fruits light up my life and are a pleasure to process in the early fall. These grew in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle from a friend’s tree. Though many rotted before I had a chance to use them, I was able to process about 50lbs of quince this year. 

Today is the 2 year anniversary of my lung surgery and the official launch of this blog. Two years ago, I couldn’t imagine the life I have now, my future looked bleak. It was a traumatic time in my life I didn’t think I could pull myself out of. I could barely put away the laundry without losing my breath, let alone lifting full stock pots, moving quickly about the kitchen and leading a moderately active lifestyle. I’m grateful for everyone who had helped me along the way: understanding bosses who held my job for 2.5 months while I was gone, my parents who helped take care of me and my cats, my husband whose patience knows no end, and friends who kept my spirits up in a dark time of my life. These days I don’t worry so much about my breathing, but more about when my oven is going to arrive on time and what I want to can next. 

I hope you enjoyed this post and have a chance to try these grotesquely shaped, fuzzy friends soon. Let me know how your batch turned out!