Listening to: Terminal- Bongripper

Last time we had a look at quinces, and made some jelly. Maybe you don’t have all the equipment, time, space, balls, or patience to deal with that. I get it. My feelings aren’t hurt. You can still enjoy this gnarly fruit ovary even if you’re a lazy butt. This is easy as shit to make: chop fruit, make syrup, boil. Read the recipe, though. 

Quince Pieces in Light Syrup- Yields 9 pint jars

• 11 lbs quince, washed and de-fuzzed.
• 2 cups sugar
  Special Equipment: Large pot, large stock pot or water bath canner.

0. Prepare the water bath canner or large stock pot with a rock on the bottom to prevent the jars from having direct contact with the heat source. Add enough water to cover the jars plus one inch. 
1. Prepare the light syrup in the large pot: add the sugar and 6 cups (1.5 qts for your math challenged ass) and bring to a boil. You could make medium or heavy syrup or even nice fancy organic fruit juice to pack the fruit in, but Dio’s unholy spirit (RIP) told me directly that quince is better in light syrup. 
2. Peel the quince. This is a bitch and a half because the fruit is so damn dry and stupid shaped, but hang in there. Slice those suckers in half and scoop out the core with a metal \m/ spoon. Cut that into slices however thick you want, I prefer them about 1/4 in. Keep these in a bowl of water with a bit of lemon juice to prevent them from browning while you finish your task.
3. Hot pack the quince: Drain the quince slices, and add them to the boiling light syrup, cook them for about 4-5 minutes. It’s handy to use a jar funnel to shove the slices in the jars when they’re done cooking, pack them tight. If you think you have too much for the nine jars, you’re probably not packing them tight enough. 
4. Ladle the hot syrup into each jar, leaving 1/2 in headroom. Use a small rubber spatula or butter knife down the sides of the jar to get air bubbles out. At this point you’ll find you can probably cram more fruit into the jars and add more syrup, minding the headroom.
5. Place the two piece lid on, and set those jars in the water bath. Boil for 20 minutes.  Alternatively you could pressure can these at 6 psi for 10 minutes. 
6. Remove from the canner and listen for the beautiful sound of the lids popping. The color might have changed during processing, I generally get pink hues. That’s perfectly fine and normal.

Adapted from a tested and USDA approved source .

I hope you like sliced quinces in light syrup because you now have a metric dick ton of them. “BuT wHaT dO I dO wItH ThEm??”, you might ask yourself. You could arrange the pieces in a tart or pie, have some with roasted pork, top some ice cream, sacrifice some to your favorite fallen metal hero, or maybe you could fucking Google it.

Like I mentioned, I prefer light syrup to juice or heavier syrups, because I have more flexibility when I’ll eventually open up the jars. Some people pack their fruit in water, which is technically okay, but it steals the sweetness of the fruit and generally sucks to eat. If you’re concerned about calories, use the pickyourown.org link above to find out how to convert Stevia or other kinds of sweeteners for the syrup.

No more talking, Bongripper is on. Feel the devastation run through you and report back with how you did.