Listening to: Terminal -Bongripper (my #1 album of the year)
My waffles aren’t perfect, because no one is.
Holy goddamn fuck are waffles great. Triple the recipe for freezer waffles that will make your cold, dead heart happy that you planned ahead. Remember the post about sourdough? Here’s something to do with the discard or when you just have too much starter that needs to go. This can also be used for pancake batter, but waffles are obviously better. Fight me.
SD Waffles- Yields 6 sq ft (or about 7 med waffles)
4.5 cups of sourdough starter, ripe or unfed is fine
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 eggs, beaten
2 Tbsp sugar
2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda + 1 T water, combined
1 Tbsp vanilla or maple extract
Heat up your waffler, stovetop or electric are fine. Take a few tokes at this time, as directed by the devastating riffs you’re taking in.
Whisk all of the ingredients together. The baking soda needs to be combined with some water as it’s the only dry ingredient in this recipe and won’t mix in well if only added dry. If the starter is unfed, add an extra tsp of baking soda or the waffles may not fluff up as much. Add any mix-ins like chocolate chips or fruit at this time.
Bake until golden brown. Be patient, it’s hard to not peek. Take in the devastating riffs for a few minutes. If you’re making them for a meal, don’t expect to make a stack and serve it, they won’t last that long. Cool on a wire rack if meal prepping before freezing in ziplock bags.
There you have it. Pour the batter on to a griddle if you like pancakes better. Either way, your waffles are better than boxed. The tang the starter brings to the waffles is like no other. Depending on how ripe your starter is, you may need to add more baking soda, or your waffles may suffer from a lack of fluffiness. No matter what, don’t you dare think waffles aren’t metal, they have built in cups to hold the liquid nectar of sin.
Use as a vessel for your newly found jam and jelly making skills, or in the worst-case scenarios your “I tried” fruit syrup. Line up the condiments you want to use in order of flavor intensity and make a waffle buffet. Host a breakfast of booze night with your favorite battle vest-wearing buddies to show off your skills to show off how cool being domestic can be, without being an elitist prick.
Waffles were one of the first items I learned to make in bulk. My little round waffle iron I picked up at Goodwill was a champ when I was broke in my first apartment and my freezer needed to be filled with easy breakfasts. I have since paid it forward to someone else who needed one and replaced mine with a square stovetop model I acquired from my dad when he was cleaning out some cabinets. Leggo My Eggos are nostalgic, but these will be your new go-to.
Ignore the dumb “Elizabeth Sylvester” name on there, Well Fed Metalhead made this!
Here in the Pacific Northwest, Himalayan blackberries are invasive and every summer we need to do our part to prevent their prickly take-over by stealing their fruit, mashing them up with sugar and lemon juice and making condiments for your toast.
Blackberry Jam- Yields 12 ea 1/2 pint jars
9 cups of raw whole blackberries, mashed should yield 5.5 cups of fruit. Pick these yourself or you’ll be paying an arm and a leg at the store.
1 package of Sure Jell pectin
1/4 cup lemon juice, from a bottle. Heresy, I know. The pH is more consistent store-bought. This is optional, but it’s recommended for additional acidity and preserves the beautiful color.
7 cups of sugar, less if using no-sugar pectin
Special Equipment: Heavy bottomed stock pot for the jam, stock pot with a rack on the bottom or canner.
1a. Gather your metalhead buddies, arrange for a nice wholesome outing to gather the fruiting bodies of the pest plants. Compare your battle vests and do your best to not get the berry blood on there or it might stain, alternatively you could stain the vests to look more badass than you already are. Be sure to wash the berries thoroughly and remove any stems. Take turns punching the berries until they’re a mash. 1b. Fill the canner with water, 1 in higher than the top of the jam jars, bring to a boil. Put a plate in the freezer. Sounds weird, but stick with me here. 1. Deicide if you want to de-seed the jam or not, thus turning it into jelly. I choose not to. If you do, heat the berries until they’re nearly boiling and run them through a food mill or fine mesh sieve. Discard the seeds. 2. Bring the fruit blood to a boil with the lemon juice and pectin, stir them vigorously to make sure the pectin doesn’t clump. Use a wooden flat-bottom spoon or a rubber spatula to stir, making sure there are no spots to burn. Cook for a few minutes. 3. Dump all of the sugar in at once and stir it until it’s all combined. Bring it to a hard boil for 3 minutes. Remove from the heat. 4. Skim off the foam and save it in a side dish for snacks. It’s harmless, but is not A E S T H E T I C when opening a jar. If you’re going this far, might as well do it right. 5. Test for jell. Remove the plate from the freezer and drip some of the jam on there. If the jam wrinkles when you push your finger through it, it’s good to go. If not, cook for a few more minutes and try again. Worst case scenario it will be a bit runny and still make your waffles taste great. 6. Fill the jars using a funnel (if you have one), leaving 1/4″ headspace from the top. Give those jars a quick rim job to ensure a good seal. Place the two part lid on there and place them in the canner. Process for 10 minutes in the boiling water. Remove them and listen to that sweet song of the lids popping, it’s what keeps you going.
Adapted from a tested and USDA approved source I happen to like processing my jars a little longer than the recommended 5 minutes, I’m a bit more conservative that way.
This is why I look forward to August: blackberry picking season. When I first moved to the PNW in 2011, one of my relatives who lives on the Washington peninsula introduced canning to me via applesauce, pears in syrup, and blackberry jam. Canning seemed like such an intimidating process, but I took home some of her jam and plotted how I could do it with limited resources. I made 72 ea 1/2 pint containers of blackberry jam this year, and is how I got sucked into the hobby. Most of these are given away as gifts, but my spouse definitely has a good supply for a while.
I started canning as a way to give my friends and relatives inexpensive homemade gifts, and I’ll admit I didn’t really know what I was doing for the first year or so. This is a fascinating hobby for me, as it’s a whole different style of cooking than I’m used to. My Xmas list is all set this year. I’m happy to share my hoard and would like to monetize it at some point in the future with a license and all that.
Water bath canning is a great way to get introduced to the hobby. Jam, jellies, and acidified foods like tomato sauce are good starting points. Pressure canning isn’t necessarily “advanced” as much as it is getting over the fear of blowing up your kitchen. That literally won’t happen unless you leave the heat on full blast and go take a walk.
Follow tested and approved recipes from NCFHP.edu, pickyourown.org, Ball Canning Book, etc. Don’t bother with Pinterest and mommy blogs unless they site a source for their recipes. There’s a lot of bad advice out there. If you want to go “off book”, make sure you understand the science behind canning and learn WHY there are rules. I agree to some extent about the “gubbment” trying to destroy grandma’s recipes, and things that are not approved for canning probably just haven’t been tested for safety. I choose not to fuck with it too much. I’ll clearly mark my “rebel canning” things here the rare times I do. Your kitchen, your rules, but if you’re a first timer listen to the tried and true recipes first.
Edit: It’s only fitting that I was listening to Khôrada while making this jam, because I have celebrity endorsement from Don Anderson (guitarist for Agalloch, Khôrada). Here is his breakfast after I gave him a jar at the Seattle show. He had previously helped me with a paper for an English class in 2015 and I promised him a thank you gift, I’m glad I was able to meet him to do so.
Find a vineyard to pillage to make some condiments for your morning toast.
Grape Jelly- Yields eight 1/2 pint jars
5 lbs grapes, green or red, make sure they’re good OR 5 cups of grape juice (fuck Welch’s, get the flavorful organic bullshit). I’m gonna assume you’re using fresh grapes, learn a little bit ya dig?
7 cups of sugar (less if you use the no-sugar pectin)
1 package of Sure Jell pectin, regular or reduced sugar. Keep a second package on hand in case your jelly doesn’t set in the allotted time. Special equipment: sieve or jelly bag, heavy bottom stock pot, stock pot or water bath canner
0. Get the water bath ready: Fill the stock pot or canner with enough water to cover the tops of the half pint jars with at least 1 in of water. 1. Prepare the grape juice: a) Pick the grapes from the stem. If there are little pieces left, that’s okay because they’ll be strained out later. b) Mash the grapes in the heavy bottomed stock pot with the blunt end of your favorite battle axe. Add a little water to cover the grapes and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a simmer for about 20 minutes. This softens the skins to release more juice. c) Strain with a sieve or jelly bag. Get something to catch the juice, even better if it holds the strainer by itself. Mush most of the juice out, but don’t go crazy. Discard the leftover solids, throw them at an ex or neighbor you don’t like. Wash out that stock pot you just used, you’re about to use it again. 2. You should have about 5 cups of fruit blood, any more and you’ll have to scale up the amount of pectin and sugar you use. Not my problem bud, figure that out yourself. Bring the juice to a boil and add the pectin, mix that for a few minutes. 3. Add all of the sugar to the pot and bring it to a hard boil. It should look like the most barbarous mosh pit of your life. Cook for about 5 minutes, carefully use a rubber spatula to scrape the bottom and sides to prevent any scorching. It should start jelling at this point,keep a metal \m/ spoon in the freezer in little dish of water to see if it sticks to the spoon. If not, add more pectin, or accept that you’ll have grape pancake syrup. Skim the foam off. It won’t hurt anyone to keep it on, but if you’re doing all this work, might as well do it right. It’s not A E S T H E T I C to open a jelly jar with foam. 4. Ladle the hot jelly into the clean jars, leaving 1/4 in headroom. Give them a quick rim job before placing the two part lids on, securing them finger tight. Process in the boiling water bath for 10 minutes. Listen to the song of the lids popping, it’s your new anthem. Store with the rings off in a temperate, dark spot.
I have never had grape juice or grape jelly that I enjoyed until I finished this recipe. I’m thinking more and more of either jury rigging or buying a steam juicer for next year, so I can make all sorts of juice and expand my scope of projects.
My jelly didn’t set until the next day when th jar were all the way cool, but I should have kept more pectin on hand for times like these. I was willing to accept grape waffle spread, and not the perfect jelly texture. I live a charmed life, I picked my grapes for free from my day job so I wasn’t too worried overall about wasting money on this project. I was also ever-so-slightly blazed and kept focusing on Jeff Walker’s tasty jams, not on the jelly.
Pictures don’t do the color of this grape juice justice. This was one of the best homemade items I’ve made to date.
Seriously though, try this out. Find some nice grape juice or go the whole nine yards with making the juice and make yourself some jelly. Gotta have something to eat before your photo shoot in the woods with your favorite black metal buddies, right?
Last time we had a look at quinces, and made some jelly. Maybe you don’t have all the equipment, time, space, balls, or patience to deal with that. I get it. My feelings aren’t hurt. You can still enjoy this gnarly fruit ovary even if you’re a lazy butt. This is easy as shit to make: chop fruit, make syrup, boil. Read the recipe, though.
Quince Pieces in Light Syrup- Yields 9 pint jars
11 lbs quince, washed and de-fuzzed.
2 cups sugar Special Equipment: Large pot, large stock pot or water bath canner.
0. Prepare the water bath canner or large stock pot with a rock on the bottom to prevent the jars from having direct contact with the heat source. Add enough water to cover the jars plus one inch. 1. Prepare the light syrup in the large pot: add the sugar and 6 cups (1.5 qts for your math challenged ass) and bring to a boil. You could make medium or heavy syrup or even nice fancy organic fruit juice to pack the fruit in, but Dio’s unholy spirit (RIP) told me directly that quince is better in light syrup. 2. Peel the quince. This is a bitch and a half because the fruit is so damn dry and stupid shaped, but hang in there. Slice those suckers in half and scoop out the core with a metal \m/ spoon. Cut that into slices however thick you want, I prefer them about 1/4 in. Keep these in a bowl of water with a bit of lemon juice to prevent them from browning while you finish your task. 3. Hot pack the quince: Drain the quince slices, and add them to the boiling light syrup, cook them for about 4-5 minutes. It’s handy to use a jar funnel to shove the slices in the jars when they’re done cooking, pack them tight. If you think you have too much for the nine jars, you’re probably not packing them tight enough. 4. Ladle the hot syrup into each jar, leaving 1/2 in headroom. Use a small rubber spatula or butter knife down the sides of the jar to get air bubbles out. At this point you’ll find you can probably cram more fruit into the jars and add more syrup, minding the headroom. 5. Place the two piece lid on, and set those jars in the water bath. Boil for 20 minutes. Alternatively you could pressure can these at 6 psi for 10 minutes. 6. Remove from the canner and listen for the beautiful sound of the lids popping. The color might have changed during processing, I generally get pink hues. That’s perfectly fine and normal.
You saw this last time, now you know what both are.
I hope you like sliced quinces in light syrup because you now have a metric dick ton of them. “BuT wHaT dO I dO wItH ThEm??”, you might ask yourself. You could arrange the pieces in a tart or pie, have some with roasted pork, top some ice cream, sacrifice some to your favorite fallen metal hero, or maybe you could fucking Google it.
Like I mentioned, I prefer light syrup to juice or heavier syrups, because I have more flexibility when I’ll eventually open up the jars. Some people pack their fruit in water, which is technically okay, but it steals the sweetness of the fruit and generally sucks to eat. If you’re concerned about calories, use the pickyourown.org link above to find out how to convert Stevia or other kinds of sweeteners for the syrup.
No more talking, Bongripper is on. Feel the devastation run through you and report back with how you did.
Greetings, viewer. This is the Well Fed Metalhead. I am a Washingtonian who enjoys cooking, canning, and most importantly, heavy metal of all flavors and styles.
My style of cooking is generally pretty simple with as many homemade elements as possible. My influences are Jacques Pépin, Julia Child, Anthony Bourdain, Ted Allen, my grandmas Renée and Shirley, my dad Charlie, and all of my crew at Purple Café and Wine Bar, where I used to work. I have learned so much form each and every individual I worked with, for better or or worse.
This is mainly a spot for me to find the recipes I’ve made. Almost all of my canning projects are done by the USDA guidelines and will have links to the recipes, I just want to type them out in a fun way so I can refer back to them.
I’m making a promise to myself to keep the blah blah blah short so no one needs to scroll through thousands of words about my mundane existence to get to the recipes, talking directly to you boring-ass mommy bloggers.
